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hal
Posted on 2008.01.25 at 16:34
I finally found the guts, the nerve, whatever to listen to the original nin version of "another version of the truth"
there is nothing there.
there is NOTHING there , it is vacant, absurd, completely bare...
I don't know how he heard all of that, how he pulled all of that beauty out of something so disappointingly minimal, god, if i could call him and ask...

hal
Posted on 2008.01.23 at 19:50
yes, little tigers, kill them all...


Eu quis cantar uma canção iluminada de sol
Soltei os panos sobre os mastros no ar
Soltei os tigres e os leões nos quintais
Mas as pessoas na sala de jantar
São ocupadas em nascer e morrer
Mandei fazer de puro aço luminoso um punhal
Para matar o meu amor e matei
Às cinco horas na avenida central
Mas as pessoas da sala de jantar
São ocupadas em nascer e morrer
Mandei plantar folhas de sonhos no jardim do solar
As folhas sabem procurar pelo sol
E as raízes procurar, procurar
Mas as pessoas da sala de jantar
Essas pessoas da sala de jantar
Mas as pessoas da sala de jantar
São ocupadas em nascer e morrer



I wanted to sing a illuminated sun song I freed cloths on the masts in air I freed the tigers and the lions in the yards But the people in the supper room Are busy in being born and to die I ordered to make of pure luminous steel a punhal to kill my love and killed To the five hours in the central avenue But the people of the supper room Are busy in being born and to die I ordered to plant leves of dreams in the garden of solar leves know to look for for the sun and the raízes to look for, to look But to the people of the supper room These people of the supper room But the people of the supper room Are busy in being born and dying

hal
Posted on 2008.01.21 at 02:35
o god...if i had waited until tomorow...
it turns out he was never gone...
i mean he WAS...literally actually...but not from me like i thought...from me...no...he is still me, he would have come back to me, he...
he sent me an email and for sure I thought it was a response
but no...no...he is in italy. he has no idea. he is clueless. just hours after i bear my soul to the message machine of someone i thought i had lost, i find out that i had never lost him
if only i had been patient
i thought that i had nothing to lose, i thought he was gone, i called out of desperation hoping that it might bring him to me one more time
but if i had waited he would have come back...only hours later...
he doesnt know. i have to wait.
he comes back only 5 days before i leave. 5 days with him and until then i wont know if he heard what i said, 1 agonizing month wondering if i haven't heard from him because he hasn't had the chance or if its because of what i said
and no way to contact him
o god

hal

incredible things

Posted on 2008.01.20 at 19:28
Moodiness: can't stop shaking...
2 of them

the day after Dax I saw Johnny. Oh...I won't even go into everything that that is, because I know, and I felt it, and Johnny, love, you are incredible.

and

(((of a different human)))

since i havn't seen him in forever, it felt like there was less to lose. the distance made it surreal, not like actual life with real friends that can be hurt or lost or loved

tonight

i called him

and left a messsage

and told him.

(*(thank you for the courage, Ian)*)

hal

resolution?

Posted on 2008.01.16 at 01:16
The past few days have been amazing. Lately I've been panicking about my trip, about leaving, about everything and everyone that will be left behind and all the things I have to do before I leave. There are so many people I want to see, so many things that I haven't said that need to come out...I've just been feeling like I need to tie up the loose ends of life, and that is exactly what has been happening, almost effortlessly.
Yesterday I got to see John Cameron Mitchell speak at UC Davis. I don' know how to describe quite what that means to me. All I can say is that John is one of the few people that I consider a truly wonderful and respectable artist and he is one of the few artists that I admire so completely. He has an amazing mind, and he USES it. He's not just another pretty actor to run screaming after with a sharpie and bare skin to sign. He is a writer, a thinker, a philosopher, and he is oh so brave and has so much to say. His talk really inspired me (creatively and in LIFE) and I wish that the thank you I gave to him at the end of the night could have conveyed more fully the impact he has had on my life.
Tonight I saw Dax. He called me and when I rode up to him on my bike he got up and gave me a hug. Do you know me? Enough said. We talked...not about anything deep or important, but we talked, and it wasn't awkward and I wasn't afraid of him and I was ME and I was fine and we went places, we visited people, ate vegan food and ended up in Qarly's bedroom.
These are two of the most important people in my life. I can't explain all of that here, but if you have been close to me at all in the past 6 years, you understand at least some of this.
I don't know whether to thank the earth for giving me these opportunities or to congratulate myself on letting them happen.
I know whats next, and I'm afraid, and maybe it will happen or maybe it doesnt need to right now. I only hope that gets sorted out in my mind before I go.
This trip has becme so symbolic for me. I really feel as though I am ending something...I don't want to say that I am ending this life, but I feel as though I am, as though I need to say my goodbyes and prepare for what comes next. This trip is the beginning of something, too. Life, maybe? How cliche is that? It doesn't matter...for the first time this feels real and feels like a change.
Until now things have been pretty much the same. Oh, I've changed schools and kept the same bad habits. I've moved a few times and always ended up living the same way. I've made new years resolutions and always ended up as the same me i was last year .oh, of course i've changed, evolved, but for the most part things don't feel different.
This has to be.
I can't take my stuff with me and clutter up a new room.
I can't follow friends around and stay in my room and never have to deal with the world.
I don't speak these languages.
I've never been to these places.
I need to figure out how to SURVIVE, where to sleep, what to eat, and how to communicate and ask for these things.
I'm terrified.
This is such a gift...


walk
Posted on 2008.01.05 at 00:31
Moodiness: ridiculously in love, dammit!
Auditory Stimuli: truth!
stop it, STOP IT, you can't have it all, don't suck the beauty out of everything else...don't you have enough on your own? the rain should never pale in comparison...NEVER.

truth?

walk
Posted on 2008.01.04 at 00:52
Auditory Stimuli: rique-another version of the truth
mmmmmmmmmmmmmidnight bananna split
sarah is wonderful!

hal

Hello world

Posted on 2007.12.09 at 13:54
Auditory Stimuli: Enrique Gonzalez Muller and the Kronos Quartet-another version of the truth
Has it been forever?
The plane ticket has been purchased: one way to Manchester, GB leaving March 5, 2008. Liverpool for a day or so, maybe a stop in Scotland, then London, then a train (?) to Paris for 2 weeks, then Spain to see every piece of Gaudi architecture I can find, then Italy, a 3-day stay in Damanhur (if you haven't heard of it, look it up). From there Germany, then Prague for a 3 week puppet workshop. After that, who knows. Maybe England again, and definitely Ireland...the islands, the cities...Morocco? I expect I'll be home for Christmas...or HERE again, I should say, but by then who knows if this will be home anymore. Maybe I'll have an apartment in Dublin or a cottage in Ballyvaughan...maybe I'll be in school in Galway...I'll visit Nantes and Beirut and send postcards from Italy (send me your address, I'll send you a card, too)...
life starts 2.5 months from now.
I've spent the last few months letting go of everything here...my job that I've had for 5 years, my beautiful space in the Vulcan studios. I've told friends and said goodbyes and hopefully those of you I haven't seen in forever will come around again because who knows when I'll see you again...
But theres one problem. I was so ready to leave it all behind and start over...to live MINIMALLY for the first time ever...I had to decide that I would LEAVE this place and not just for a month or two and have everything waiting for me when I got back...really LEAVE, let go, and be ok with being terrified...no attachments...friends, yes, but...theres one I can't seem to let go of, and he has NO IDEA how much he means to me and I'm terrified that if I told him that friendship would die...but if I don't tell him I'll never be comfortable enough around him keeping that secret to truly develop a friendship that will survive thousands and thousands of miles and months if not years of separation. I can't let myself have second thoughts about this because of him. I NEED to do this, I need to be uncomfortable and force myself to survive and exist. I need to tell him before I go...I'll regret it if I don't, I know that...but I can't stand the thought that saying "I love you" might really be saying goodbye. Do I tell him now while I still have 2 months to try and save whats left and risk having to bear biking past his house every day and knowing that I cant even call him, or should I tell him a week before I go...I'll be gone soon anyway, it might hurt less if I know I CAN'T see him.
It sounds idiotic. Everyone feels this way when it's new...right? No...even Ian says I have never been this way before. He knows me best. He knows this will break me.

hal

moving

Posted on 2007.05.28 at 20:42
goodbyeeee west oakland house. I'm moving today...or at least, moving the big furniture and sleeping in the new place, finally. I'll miss this house...new address to be posted shortly.

hal

I need a model TODAY!!!

Posted on 2007.04.14 at 14:08
it's saturday, I have the lighting studio reserved from 6pm till 8 something, and I WANT TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE!!!! please please please please reply or call (or preferably text) me if you wanna come to oakland and have pretty pictures taken of your awesome self by a weird little redhead!!!
please!!!


hal

mittens

Posted on 2007.01.08 at 16:55
went ice skating with chris yesterday
yeah...the boy can fekkin skate, goddamn
aaaand then we ate at mel's, fell in love with the waiter, asked for crayons, and drew him pretty pictures and wrote him sappy notes.
so much fun

hal

christian

Posted on 2006.12.15 at 00:23
he spoils me, i swear. foot massages...sushi...midnight dinner? really. and still he says "friends forever", naps in the studio, scrubs and south park on his laptop, no light, it hurts, just...soft...and warm...and safe...and so close.
he's leaving for home tomorrow and i never got to say goodbye. im afraid it will fade, burn away, that it will be gone when finally he's back

hal

mice

Posted on 2006.12.15 at 00:21
ok, so...ASIDE from the abundance of beautiful little mice that we keep as pets...and all their babies...we seem to have mice in the house. These are not escaped mice that have bred like crazy...how can I tell? Well, wild mice look VERY different from pet mice...different size, shape and color. So now we've got 5 cages full plus a few running around down by our feet. whatever shall we do?

hal
Posted on 2006.12.04 at 02:01
Auditory Stimuli: mirah
you actually know me well enough to bring me sushi with raw salmon, avocado, and mango? holy shit i love you.
and
you can sing along to the entire score of singing in the rain? oh man
and hey...since when does ice cream take 5 hours to eat?
dancing without music outside starbucks at night...the people inside actually pulled down the curtains so as to better ignore us. fekkin yuppies.

oh man, that was sweet. stop being so nice. oh good, i'm off work now. i need to see you...just for a sec...gee, it's cold out here. the studio is warm, let's go there. oh cool, it's amanda's air mattress-turned-couch. comfy. ummm...yeah bart stopped running, i'd better go to the 'rents place. awww, no, you don't need to walk me there, thats ok. awww, you're sweet, thanks. come in for a bit, we've got thanksgiving leftovers. damn i'm tired. mmm, head scratches, thats nice. what, it's 3pm already? well shit, good morning. so much for getting work done last night, huh. sushi? yeah! that sounds great. CRAP! they're closed. Oh well, what else is out here...chocolate in a pink building! no, I've never been in there. raspberry truffles? sweet! WOAH, hey, 20 bucks, nevermind. what? no! awww, you shouldn't have, thanks! let's see...what now...oh crap i've gotta be at work in 1/2 hour...let's grab some pizza. mmmm...olives. i'd better run to bart...nooo silly you don't need to walk me there...awww, damn you're sweet. thanks mister. yeah, you have a good day too...shit, is it getting dark already? didn't I just wake up? work work work. rocky? oh...ok. sarah! yay! dance dance dance. sleep sleep sleep. 11am? no way. snooze snooze snooze. 3 hours later...what? jordan? hi! look, I cleaned the fridge! oh, crap, it's 4:00. we're off to see the wizard...hiiiii, long time no see. hug. movie. ooooh, pretty colors. HA! that guy's funny. i don't want to go home. yeah. coffee? sorta. hug. guess we'd better go work. oooooh daaaaamn, missed that train...we'll now we've got 20 minutes, let's walk over there....ooooh, daaaamn, just missed that train, too...tragic. um...dance? sure. ooooh, not another train...yeah, that really sucks um...ok. yeah. we'd better go. really. NOOOO don't go! ok, fine. yeah, i love you too. see you tomorrow. big hug. oh look! baby mice! how cute. procrastinate. fiddle. sing. procrastinate. type type type.
my weekend so far.
no, don't google him!
damn.


hal

mmm, tofurkey

Posted on 2006.11.24 at 00:14
thanksgiving with the 'rents and ian and ians mom and steve
ellen and kate came by, ellen brought her girlfriend heather, who is absolutely adorable. The whole thing was a bit of a surprise...but a very, very happy one.
'lil jealous
talked to jeremy! woo! that boy really needs to come visit
and i heard from johny...i cant wait till he gets to oakland
brought some thanksgiving dinner to oscar, the security guard, cuz i felt bad that he had to be at work today
ian's out of town till saturday and the 'rents are goin to mendocino for a bit
tomorrow Im opening, running, and closing he cafe...alone...eek...seeing as i've never even worked a real shift in it...what the hell.
oh well. come visit me?

hal

been a while, huh?

Posted on 2006.11.12 at 00:13
life feels kinda solid right now, like things are really coming together, finally going really well. Sure, I'm having a bit of trouble in school...I havn't been very motivated or productive this semester and I've got some papers and a presentation on monday, but it's not bothering me. It seems like other things are more important now, like there are things more relevant to real life.

Ian and I are doing just fine...it's been more than a year, we've been through some shit (bad roomates, court junk, pets dying, emotional junk), but we've come out alright with no major complaints. It's nice to have a constant companion you know you can talk to, who will be home when you get there, someone to share life with so that nothing feels to huge.

My job is fucking awesome. After 4 years of putting up with my SHIT parkway job (min. wage for the first 2 years, went from waitressing in a dark movie theater to selling tickets in the booth to taking orders at the counter and finally cashiering), things are looking up. About a year ago, probably more, I started doing the baking. I only got a few hours a week doing it, but it was still awesome...an entire restaurant kitchen to myself making huge batches of brownies and lemon bars. Around that same time, the owners satrted making plans to open up a new location in El Cerrito, a fantasy that has finally been pushed into reality. It opened 2 weeks ago, and the best part is, it has its own cafe. What's better is that Melissa and I have essentially adopted the cafe as our own. We're making the menu, we're decorating the place (today I got to buy a banana tree for it...and I named it Edward). We get to spend countless hours making whatever food we want, organizing how everything will work...it may sound like shit, but in all honesty it's unbelievably wonderful. If you know me, you know my number 1 dream is to open a cafe of my own in a warehouse after I graduate, and this is my practice, this is how I know what's coming, and I'm loving every second of it.

Of course, opening a new cafe takes a hell of a lot of time, as I've been finding out. I've been at work almost every day the past 2 weeks, and toay I pulled an 11.5 hour shift. Logically that sounds like hell, but I love it. I really, really love it. This is the first time my job has felt like a real job, the first time I've felt like I have any real responsibility, like anything actually matters to me there. I got to work at 10am this morning. Melissa (my boss) and I looked at each other and at the same time she said "coffe" and I said "tea". Thats just how we are. So we fired up the espresso machine and made ourself some gourmet shit, and it was damn good. Then we made about 5 pans of foccaccia bread and maybe 300 little pizza dough balls, holy crap. Somehow that took 5 hours, and we decided it was time for lunch, went next door, and used the bosses credit card. I guess managers get to do that kind of stuff. Who knew. After that we went shopping...we've been doing that a lot lately. The two of us in any store = trouble. First we went to an education supply store....it was FULL of all that stuff your teacher has in kindergarten, giant wall calendars with velcro pictures, coloring boooks, craft supplies, felt maps, inflatable globes, foam letters, alphabet stencils...everything kid, and we spent an hour there just playing and getting paid to do it. Then we went o buy some dry erase boards for the cafe menu, then to OSH to pick out some plants....oh man. I decided on a banana tree, melissa wanted a lemon tree, and we both wanted some lavendar, thyme, and rosemary...yum! we spent a few hours picking out pots and tools and a pretty watering can, again with the bosses credit card, went back, and got filthy potting plants and drilling walls to hang them from the walls. Too much fun...

There are the obvious drawbacks...it's hard to crunch schoolwork into my now limited free time. I havn't seen my friends outside of school in forever...Sarah is still away, but she'll be back soon! I havn't had a spare moment to hang out with Jordan or keep in touch with anyone from High school. Emily is too far away and Janine...oh man, it's hard to keep track of that girl. I miss everyone from estereo terribly, and oh god, I want to play music again. I will, some day.

It's not all bad on the friend front, though. We finally filled up all the rooms, and with AWESOME people no less! Hans is still with us. We don't get to see him much, but he's so goo for goofy late night conversations. Kean seems to be around more often, and his lovely girl Noelle hangs around too. She's cool, its nice having another girl around sometimes, too. Our newest is Josh, he moved in at the beginning of this month and he's been fabulous. He plays with port o'brien on occasion, so thats a good excuse to get my ass away from home evry once in a while and indulge in some entertaining type performances.

Also, happy happy, I made some new friends at school! This doesnt happen very often. I have aquaintances, people I like well enough, but very very rarely anyone I get to hang out with outside of class or the occasional run-in at the cafe. I've been seeing Jess around more often, I've been getting along with Christina, a girl in both my monday classes just famously...very nice to have someone to walk to bart with and bounce assignment ideas around with, but mostly I've been getting closer to Christian, a totally awesome purple-haired printmaker/illustrator/something person. He's the kind of guy I get to be a total goof with on capus. Yesterday we saw a huuuuuge pile of gravel and simultaneouly flopped down on it and got totally filthy. After that we ended up playing tag, and all the people smoking gave us funny looks. Definitely good times.

So yeah, thats me right now, happy girl. I do miss my old friends, and it'll be nice to have a little more free time once the cafe is totally up and running. Winter break is coming up in a few weeks...maybe I'll accomplish something creative.

hal
Posted on 2006.08.20 at 10:10
copied from my other...

Two nights ago I moved all the baby mice and mommy to a cage with plastic walls. They're almost big enough to walk around on their own, but still small enough to easily slide through cage bars, so plastic it is! It was a bit of a momentus occasion. It was the first time I got to hold each one of them individually, and the first time we got to count them all since they were born. All 13 survived!!!
Just 3 days ago they had no fur. Their skin was starting to turn the colors their fur would be.

Today, they're completely fuzzy little creatures 3 times the size they were when they were born!

and this is the littlest one during moving. I hink it's my favorite, so TINY!!!

Awww.
As much as I love all of them, we really do need to give a few of them away, theres just not enough room in this house for 15 mice! If you'd like to take a pair of them pleeeeease please please let me know...

hal

Our Goodbye

Posted on 2006.07.07 at 13:30
Our last practice was last night (and now I think I'm getting sick).
We'll be playing our very last show this Saturday, July 8 at House of Shields in the city around 9pm. After this we'll all be going our separate ways



Supposedly it's a 21 thing, but Skip says they rarely card, especially if you show up early. Again, supposedy $4, although I think it might just be a regular free bar before they start charging...hint hint.

It should be awesome...Boy Tiger will be there...Skip will probably play a bunch of older stuff before the rest of us climb up on stage with him...Sad...

hal

numbers please!

Posted on 2006.07.01 at 13:38
well, that's it, my old phone is dead and gone. The last straw was the sudden avalanche of molten sugar, eggs and lemon juice that we call an undercooked pan of lemon bars spilling into my pocket (and all over the rest of me) at work. go figure. ANYWAY, I will be getting a new phone shortly. I'll keep my old number, but I NEED ALL OF YOUR NUMBERS!!! I can't even turn my old phone on to fish them out of my address book. So please oh please, give me your number in a comment, or if you prefer privacy, e-mail it to me at JMGotsch@gmail.com
thank you!!!!! much love.


hal

something new

Posted on 2006.06.26 at 12:03
i'm pretty sure i disappeared for a while there, but i think i might be coming back. Things got a little rocky with the roomates and I had to spend a few days dealing with that, but otherwise, I've been trying to be productve.

See, theres this ridiculously far-fetched dream of mine to someday own and run an organic cafe of sorts and, in theory, this cafe would also be somewhhat of an artspace, a place for me to show and possibly sell my own creations and for others to do the same. So there you have it. Lately I've been looking into the real world process of what it takes to buy a building, set up a cafe, run it and whatnot. I've been researching grants and loans and honestly, not having much luck. It looks like I won't be able to GET the money until I already have most of it.
go figure.

So i diid, I figured, in the meantime, that I should start with a smaller, more realistic goal: start the artspace/shop BEFORE the cafe. I guess banks are more likely to loan money for a retail shop than a restaurant, and theres a lower startup cost. Once that shop is up and running and (hopefully) making I profit, then I can start the cafe process. That, and banks will be much more likely to finance my endeavors if they see that my produucts already have a market.

And so, in order to CREATE a market for my stuff (and to earn a bit of mon ey to put towards my dream in the meantime) I've started an online shop (click it!) on ETSY to see what I can do.

I guess the stuff in the shop so far is not really typical of what I make. As time goes on I'll probably add things that are more "me", like baked goods, photo prints, maybe even sculptures. We'll see. I just thought it might be somewhere to start. So far no sales...probably because of my ridiculously overpriced items (my subconscious got attached to them and doesnt want them to go, and therefore made me overprice them so they wouldnt), but then again it hasn't even been a whole day.

In other news, Estereo will be having it's LAST show on July 8. I'm going to miss them so muuch...
Skip and I might even play one last smokescreens show on the 5th, too.

ok, time to go (try) to donate blood again...

hal

something new

Posted on 2006.06.26 at 11:51
i'm pretty sure i disappeared for a while there, but i think i might be coming back. Things got a little rocky with the roomates and I had to spend a few days dealing with that, but otherwise, I've been trying to be productve.

See, theres this ridiculously far-fetched dream of mine to someday own and run an organic cafe of sorts and, in theory, this cafe would also be somewhhat of an artspace, a place for me to show and possibly sell my own creations and for others to do the same. So there you have it. Lately I've been looking into the real world process of what it takes to buy a building, set up a cafe, run it and whatnot. I've been researching grants and loans and honestly, not having much luck. It looks like I won't be able to GET the money until I already have most of it.
go figure.

So i diid, I figured, in the meantime, that I should start with a smaller, more realistic goal: start the artspace/shop BEFORE the cafe. I guess banks are more likely to loan money for a retail shop than a restaurant, and theres a lower startup cost. Once that shop is up and running and (hopefully) making I profit, then I can start the cafe process. That, and banks will be much more likely to finance my endeavors if they see that my produucts already have a market.

And so, in order to CREATE a market for my stuff (and to earn a bit of mon ey to put towards my dream in the meantime) I've started an online shop (click it!) on ETSY to see what I can do.

I guess the stuff in the shop so far is not really typical of what I make. As time goes on I'll probably add things that are more "me", like baked goods, photo prints, maybe even sculptures. We'll see. I just thought it might be somewhere to start. So far no sales...probably because of my ridiculously overpriced items (my subconscious got attached to them and doesnt want them to go, and therefore made me overprice them so they wouldnt), but then again it hasn't even been a whole day.

In other news, Estereo will be having it's LAST show on July 8. I'm going to miss them so muuch...
Skip and I might even play one last smokescreens show on the 5th, too.

ok, time to go (try) to donate blood again...

bw

knitting memorially

Posted on 2006.04.18 at 14:16
Moodiness: nostalgicnostalgic
Auditory Stimuli: mental cocorosie, sing me to sleep in the back of a van
Yesterday I thought I should write this:

I miss you more than I thought I could

but then I thought no, it's too pathetic.

But today I saw you
and you saw me
and you waved

and that was all.

2 years, 8 months.

hal
Posted on 2006.04.08 at 02:44
o god i'm not ready to lose these guys yet...
farewell show will be in July in SF
I'll post when I have more details

hal
Posted on 2006.04.07 at 00:40
Moodiness: nostalgicnostalgic
Auditory Stimuli: cocorosie
in the past few weeks i've found several people that i thought i'd lost forever, good friends from elementary school, middle school, and high school, the boy i sat next to on the first day of kindergarten, first crushes, friend's brothers and sisters...

eric might be moving into our last room. i remember this kid, this glowing blonde boy on stage with the most beautiful voice, and afterwards we had pizza with corpus callosum, and i followed him...who knew?

i had my junior review today. Ian and I spent the last few days frantically constructing and transporting an 8 foot room made of 4x4s, loading it into a gallery, intsalling our work, preparing...all for 30 minutes of rushed video screening and a few slides of photographs, hurried feedback and an equally rushed take-down. It felt as though everything that semester had been leading up to that review and it was over so quickly. I felt empty afterwards. It wasn't bad, nor particularly good, but it felt like some anti-climactic end to something that had taken so much thought and effort...

and speaking of endings, i've been trying to hold back the tears tonight and failing, 2 more shows and estereo may be no more. Was it a year ago? Maybe more? I was so scared, I'd never played music before, not in front of anyone, and for weeks I avoided meeting skip, but finally I did and I was so glad...and since then I've come to really love these people, I've had so much fun travelling everywhere with them, playing music and just having a good time, meeting new friends, every night on stage re-conquering my fear of performance, closing my eyes and feeling the music we made, skip's songs and the steady vibration of glass on wet fingers, the physicality of bent steel...for the first time I felt like I was really doing something, I was a part of something, and i'll never forget that. I love you guys. I really do. I'll miss you.


hal

oh...god...

Posted on 2006.03.29 at 10:54
Moodiness: crazyOH GOD ITS CUTE!!!!
Auditory Stimuli: antony
Tags:
there are very few things that I find truly unbearably cute, but this happens to be one of them. If you know me, you know how much I love kittens and small creatures in general, but I don't think I've ever ever ever seen anything quite as cute as this. I dont know why. I just can't stop squeaking when I look at it. It's addictive. It makes my tummy hurt. Its just....OH GOD ITS CUTE!!!!!!






Image hosting by Photobucket

AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

but I guess you're intitled to your own opinion.
I guess.

hal
Posted on 2006.03.12 at 12:08
ok ok ok ok ok NOT ok....i mean...dax in a cheerleader uniform? what the hell. WHAT THE HELL??!?!?!?!?
crisis averted?

hal
Posted on 2006.02.28 at 07:41
this rain is so amazingly beautiful...

skip and i are playing at mama buzz tonight
we practiced last night for the firt time in...forever. it felt good :0)

ian and i have been playing music at bart stations and on street corners...its good practice.

eric called me yesterday and played a song in my voice mail.

oh god this rain is beautiful...

hal
Posted on 2006.02.23 at 17:33
so...i realized something kinda sad today. i found myself singing...er, rather, humming aloud this morning at work. at first i said "gee, whats this song? its rather pretty." I didnt recognize it at first, but after a while, i realized it was offspring, have you ever. ok, that made me a little mad...i mean...ugh! but i realized that if they werent so annoying...and if that guys voice didnt piss me off so much...that would be a really beautiful song...like...if a boy version of bjork or somethin sang it. ok ima shut up now.

hal

the old...

Posted on 2006.02.21 at 00:09
had a really interesting experience tonight...had to do an interview with a classmate for an assignment, i was really dreading it, but i won't go into that. im actually really glad we went ahead with it...i had a sort of a revelation while she was asking me about people who have inluenced me, turning points in life, etc. and i realized theres something ive been saying and saying i should do for 2 and a half years now but it has always been some abstract fantasy...but i was in the right place mentally so i went ahead. this is going to sound ridiculous but it was actually a really intense moment...really cleansing in a way...
i just pulled out my phone, didn't hesitate, called Dax and said "thank you." He didnt even ask why, he just said "thank you, too."


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